In Anticipation of Ark Opening, Animals Begin Massive Pilgrimage To KY

By: Aaron Barker, Editor That’s Large

WORLD – In a not-so-odd turn of events, animals worldwide have begun pilgrimages to Williamstown, KY in anticipation of the Ark Encounter opening on July, 7th 2016.

Animals ranging from giraffes to lions to alligators and a wide array of others are gathering their belongings and making the massive trek for the Ark revealing.

“We started out on our journey as soon as we read the press release in 2010,” Sheldon Tortoise said.  “My wife and I left our home in the Galapagos Islands and have made it as far as the airport inland.  We’re not sure if we’ll be there for the opening day.”

Closer to Williamstown, however, it seems some aren’t taking any chances.  “Y’all know what happened to that unicorn,” said Creator, winner of the 2016 Kentucky Derby.  “The last thing I want to do is be difficult and cause problems.”

Each crowd always has a skeptic and there is no exception in this widespread occurrence.

“You mean to tell me that boat” said Horton Elephante, “is going to have enough room for me and my family?  Not buying it.”  Nevertheless Mr. and Mrs. Elephante feel an innate urge to pack their trunks and head to the Bluegrass State.

Shockingly some animals don’t feel an urgency to line up.  Buddy the Maine Coon cat from Hebron believes if his presence is needed, he’ll be told.

“If they want me on that thing or anywhere near it,” yawns Buddy, “they’ll have to come get me.”

Although the majority of the animal kingdom understands the definite need to line up two by two, Ken Ham, president and CEO of Answers in Genesis, wishes to place a moratorium on certain kinds of quadrupeds.

“There is some leniency on particular kinds,” he said.  “But as a biblical creationist, I can say with certainty that poodles have only come into existence in recent times.  They can fend for themselves.

“They are genetic mutations,” he continues.  “Since they were not created by God, they belong in a comic book rather than on the Ark.”**

This will not dampen any of the ceremonies on July 7th in Williamstown when the Ark is opened to the public.

In a related news story, accusations of discriminatory screening processes have arisen throughout as the “unclean” animals are crying foul.

Camels, rabbits and pigs are leading the charge statewide claiming they are being prevented from the festivities of opening day and are organizing a nationwide protest on July 7th.

 

**this was translated from an Australian accent to English

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